Poll #1467336 Halloween Tribe of Frog costume choices...
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 7

If I end up with enough money to buy an outfit for Frog's Hallowe'en bash what should it be?

What would be your second choice?

Other costume suggestion..? (These answers may appear in a secondary poll)

Anything you would like to add?

This is the blank box for your randomnesses (So you can use the others for the proper use, innit?)

Whatever Lame-Ass excuse you have for pushing your TROLLEY down my BASKETS ONLY line, I don't care. I WILL make you put it all back in your TROLLEY and take it elsewhere.

Comment and I will:

1. Tell you why I befriended you.
2. Associate you with something -random, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ

Question: When it comes down to it, do you think that all dance music is essentially the same? Why?

Answer:

(I understand that this is an entirely personal veiwpoint on an extremely objective subject. This is My Personal answer)

No I don't. Different types of dance music affect me in different ways. Music is a very spiritual thing for me so I will use the Chakras in my explination. This is also the easiest way to illistrate the points I will be making. The type of trance music that most often makes it into the charts is generally vocal trance, which also merges into uplifting trance. Trance music is different to Dance music, which is then again different to House music.

Vocal Trance for me is very heady, very euphoric, on my theoretical diagram i'd place it up with the third eye and throat Chakras. I'm not a massive fan of Vocal Trance, especially on a night out. I prefer rhythms I can dance to, let my inner beings play with.

Psy-Trance. This is the stuff they play at Tribe of Frog. Very psychadelic acidy sounds with very Earthy, driving beats in the background. This music catches me right in my centre. My discovery of Psy-Trance is fairly new and with it developed a new acceptance of who i was, my social identity and personal integrety. This music I place at my Heart Chakra. Right in the ribcage where you can feel the bass thump that spreads like a warm blossom all over.

Hard Dance. This is my favorite. This is what Ripsnorter is famed for. Hard Driving, Relentless beats that burrow right into my Solar Plexus. All about Ego Identitiy, Element of fire, the colour of sunshine. This type of music travels through my 3rd chakra into my 2nd and right down to my Base. Dancing to this my inner fire, devience and wildness come out to play.

I hope this makes sense and answers the question as thouroughly as you hoped it would :)

http://www.twolumps.net/comics/20090626.jpg

When you get it, you'll shit bricks :p


Can't work out if it's in bad taste or not - it's funny either way though

Poll #1421481 Greasy? Sticky? Ew.....
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 7

Would you rather be Greasy or Sticky?

Why?

You can use this box to tell me something you think i don't know.

You can use this box to ask me a question which i will answer anonymously in a future post

Anything else?

Write it in here :)

Name 2 things that best describe me using the initials of ur first and second name, then post this in your journal so i can do the same to you :)

http://www.fujifilm.co.uk/consumer/digital/digital-cameras/specialist-cameras/is-pro

Simple :p

An idea has hit me.. Like a steam train..  & i figure there's no better place to try and put matter to my thoughts than LJ-land.

I like to go clubbing.. & i like to take photos while clubbing.. This much you probably know.  You also probably know that i LOVE UV light and the way it excites colours with certain properties.  What i'm hoping you also know is if it's possible to (without going into silly money territory) outfit a camera with a UV (blacklight) flash unit. That is, a flash that flashes ultraviolet light instead of the usual white light.


Geek contigent of my Flist.. I'm counting on you.. GO!



:D


Kudos and cookies for whoever helps me make this a reality.

I've decided that i need to find someone who can spend a bit of time with me and help me asses what skills i have and how i could put them to good use. The problem with me looking for jobs / careers on my own is i have no idea what i'm good at. I need to find something i can do that will appeal to me on a personal level, that i will enjoy, and that i can grow from as a result of doing.  I think i have a range of unusual skillsets, it's just a case of pinning down exactly what they are. If anyone in lj land can help with this i will be most appreciative :D

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7901337.stm

No shit, Sherlock..

1. Glowy things

My love of light & glowy things is much deeper seated than most people realise, I love light in all forms and am fascinated with it. I think this stemms from the fact that for my whole life i've suffered with something referred to as night blindness meaning, as you may guess, that i just can't see in the dark. It is my sight that also compensates for my lack of hearing, which has also been with me since birth. anything that glows that i can potenially carry around with me is great cos its like carrying a little haven of safety with me :)

I have an extra special relationship with ultraviolet light because it turns objects as simple as a sheet of white paper into a light source in its own right which i find incredable and playing with colours that fluoresce Specifically under UV light can produce amazing results.

2. Bouncy castles.. are great fun ;)

3. Zim

I LOVE the Invader Zim series.. the best character in it *has* to be GIR who i can identify with very easily.. "Hallo floor, Make me a sammich"

4. Short skirts

hahaha, Yes, My clubbing skirts are VERY short

5. Hugs

Mmmm yes please.... can never have too many hugs :D


If you want your own 5 things, leave a comment to this post and I'll give you 5 things I associate with you...then you have to post the list on your own journal and elaborate (comedy descriptions allowed, nay - encouraged!). Also if you have 5 different words for me comment and i'll add them to this post!!

Stolen shamelessly from kotenok .


- Describe me in one word... just one single word. Positive or negative.

- Leave your word in a comment before looking at what words others have used.

- Then copy and paste the meme to your journal to find out how people will describe you when limited to one word.

I stopped my meds sometime around the end of November. I realised i was forgetting them and it didn't matter more and more, so I stopped.

I reached the point where I don't need them any more.

I have a supply, incase it all goes pete tong, which i will keep around untill they expire. more as a security blanket than harbouring any intention of actually using them.

My emotional responses are returning to normal, My perception of the world around me is changing, becoming more real, more tangable.

I'm re learning how to deal with emotions and emotional stress.

I am happy. there are changes going on chemically that i don't fully understand but i have a general grasp on which is helping me manage what is happening to me as the longer lasting effects of the SSRIs wear off. You know me, overanalytical beyond the point where it's helpful to be anymore :)

Facing myself is something i know is going to happen as a result, facing my fears and demons, learning what makes me tick again, because for so long on SSRIs i didn't tick, I was levelled out and blank. This is a process that has already started happening and one that i am comfortable going through.

It's like i'm waking up. The meds provided support when i needed them to and i am at peace with that. I'm not viewing my 'getting off them' as something that should be done, or as a triumph. I needed the meds then and that was ok. Now i am ready to wake up from the sedative sanctuary they offered.

Expect to see more emotion in the few weeks (months..? i dunno) to come. I will be going through a process. It's all good :)


There are things i have to do. Things i have become conscious of that aren't doing me any favours that i have to deal with.

I'm becoming stronger than i ever have been & it feels good.


I love you all :)

"Scientists at the University of Amsterdam have discovered that the drug propranolol, a beta-blocker, prevents the return of unpleasant memories. The finding could lead to a new realm of treatments for patients with posttraumatic stress and other emotional disorders"

I saw the headline on a daily newspaper i was scanning through at work yesterday and in that moment it cut thru all the barriers i had up like they weren't even there & i actually choked up. I managed to skillfully hide it, of course, cos i'm a pro.

I wanted to do a lil poll to find out ppls thoughts about the questions this raises for me. Answers are hidden.
The idea behind this is not that I want someone else to make my mind up for me, rather i would like some different people's opinions to help sort out all the thoughts and emotions I am having that are associated with this. Answers are to be based on the assumption that the testing of Propranolol shows that it does work in the capacity they think it might do.

Please don't be afraid to answer even if you know me a little, All opinions are welcome :)

Poll #1350935 News...
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 7

Knowing what you do of me would you say Propranolol would be a viable option to look into?

What is your reasoning for this?

What do you think about the theory that doing this could fundementally alter someone's persona? it could also be that your character is set by past experiances rather than the everyday referral to those memories.

If the application of the drug did have a profound effect on personality & i decided to go for it, What kind of person do you think i'd become?

Would this be a good or bad thing?

This space is for you to fill with any other thoughts or some randomness to keep me entertained :D

Not a nice one :( First thing i remember is being sat down on the floor, i must have been two or something, Mum's partner at the time was a guy called Mike & my memory is of being kicked by him cos i called him Mike not Dad.

Hahahahahahaha lol *giggle*  All of em, in the same hour lol

You HAVE to watch SOLITARY. It's what you wish big brother was and more :)

I'd like to give a big LJ welcome to vodka_devil !!   Very very good friend of mine, partner in mischiefs and all round troublemaker.  

It's that time of year again.. Time to drink cake and eat champagne & follow that perpetually late white rabbit.

It's my Birthday!  Woooooo!  Happy my birthday everyone :)   Now, go have fun y'hear?

[EDIT: Broken Link] http://www.shorpy.com/files/images/4a13373u.jpg [EDIT: Broken Link]

As some of you may know already, Orion & I have broken up. It was a mutual decision and we are still communicative and will remain friends.

comments are screened just because.

www.whenuwantit.co.uk fucking rocks.

That is all

O-M-G I NEED to go clubbing sometime VERY VERY fucking soon.

Stuff...   I Mean, What to say.. well, What to say FIRST..

I did a friday close at work last week and it was alright, I did a saturday close this week, which i am writing this off of the back of, and that was alright too.
I've decided i like it more when it's mad busy, so thurs/fri/sat nights. There are more 'fun' moments and you get more of a sense of 'this is the job you are being PAID to do' on a friday and saturday night it IS hard, it IS stressful. But it's also a pub, people are in good spirits and generally have a sense of humor about things. If on a friday night, for example, you have a glass shortage and so all the glasses are hot straight out of the glass wash people are going to respond to a joke about ''don't worry i'm not having a quick fiddle, i'm cooling your glass down.. cos i assume you don't want a hot glass!'' 

Clearing up after a friday or saturday night can be hard. There's usually broken glass somewhere, there are people who won't get the message that it's closing time and they need to go home now. Also, of course, all the glasses have to be washed, all the bar stuff, the mats and the ashtrays - ew.

I wasn't in the best of moods going into work this evening as the Fairford air show, which i'd bent over backwards to make sure i had the time off for and could go to, was cancelled due to the grounds being too wet. I don't really show things much and this is no exception, but i am really pissed off with this outcome cos i was REALLY looking forward to it.  Ho hum, Oh well.


Of course i have a job now, which means money that is mine because i earned it. being a minimum wage job i don't earn much, but i earn enough to take my friends out for a drink, contribute to shopping and spend 'MY OWN' money on the kids.

Also it means I can buy stuff for me, like i said not much, as it's a minimum wage job, but things like CDs, the odd bit of clothing, or even just magazines and other assorted crap.

I've still got THE HORN for something female, it's getting bad enough to do something about soon. It's made worse by the fact that i find our pub manager astonishingly attractive, I just want to Do Things..

Everyone seems to like me at work, which is good, my till so far has always been up or spot on, which is also good.

I think i'm a bit of a slow worker when it comes to cleaning down, i'm sure that as i pick things up i'll get faster, but i'm paranoid that i'm slow anyway.

i've got back into the rhythm of serving people in this capacity quite quickly, and it's something i actually enjoy doing. I'm enjoying getting to know a different mix of people than those i would normally meet and it's giving me that 'something' back that recently i feel has been lacking.

I'm developing a new appreciation for adrenalin, as it's what's pumping through your veins on a friday and saturday night as the bar is rammed with people all claiming that they were next. Also you need to be on the lookout... Are they old enough? Are they too drunk to be served? are they going to try and fuck you about?


People can be So fucking rude.

& People can be Such fucking pigs

-But i love it, i love this level of interaction with this varied a range of people. I can feel that this job is doing me alot of good. I can feel that it's getting rid of all the layers of 'soft' that have accumilated over recent years.

Yeah.

I like this.

I like the fact that i feel more REAL now.

I'm back in touch with the street.

My feet are back on the ground.

That feeds me in a way that nothing else can.

Oh, and in addendum to that last post, Yes, Yes i am insane.

I'm awake still and running out of beer [add to to do; get 'nother beer]

First closing shift was cool, not as much work as i expected.
physically tired but mentally buzzing. Still.
Feet hurt. Still.

Ran out of beer. [append to do; get 'nother beer - URGENT]

Listening to Stonking Psytrance.

saw first fight!! there was no blood or police tho :(  I did hear tell of an axe!! but i was too busy being a goody two shoes and actually serving ppl and so missed it. :(

Still no beer.

Saw Wanted. Got THE HORN for Angelina Jolie.

Saw Hancock. Don't got the horn for Will Smith.

Wondering why the word Jolie isn't in my 'as i type' dictionary yet

Day off today, only pissy little 4 hr shift lunchtime sunday.

I am awesome.

The End.

First day at new job.


was good :)

The End.

Also, yesterday morning one of my teeth broke. one right at the back on the top left :(

that feels weird.

i have a picture!! :D  (Of Course)

i just woke up from a  horrible really really fucking exhausting dream

i was living in a cross between the smallholding i lived on in foster care in Pucklechurch and my dad's old house on Southmead road

group after group of people kept coming to break into the house when i was there and kick the shit out of me

about four different groups of people came, one a little while after the other. There would always be a big fight, involving whatever came to hand, I was being chased round with an axe at one point. I found one too and I remember having to cut the guy up into pieces before he’d stop chasing me, this theme was the same for all the groups of people that came, no matter what I did to them they wouldn’t stop chasing me (I remember killing the guy with the axe, that was the fourth group that came, but I don’t remember how the fight ended with the other three groups)

after each one left i'd fix how they broke in and lock everything really securely, then the next lot would come and i'd be trapped by all the locks

each group would really work me over. & each time i'd dial 999 and get thru and talk to someone but the police never came

the last group that came, the fifth group came to kill me

 

i managed to get a gun off of one of them in the fight but it wouldn't fire cos all the bullets were loaded into the mag the wrong way round

 

[EDIT]: I remember in great detail (even now at 7pm) frantically having to unload the bullets and reload them in the right way round before the gun would work. It was a real world gun as well, most similar to a Glock. I remember the flash of silver from inside the chamber as i cocked it after reloading the mag. it made all the right noises and had all the right mechanisms.

i managed to get out of the house this time and into a taxi, only they followed me into the taxi. and there was no driver, i had to drive it myself

 

i found a village and ran for help but it turned out all the people there wanted to kill me too. There was a huge chase. I had about 15 people all shooting at me and a couple of guys chasing me in a helicopter which I had to swim underwater to get away from (there weren’t any guns on the helicopter, it was a regular one, not a military one)

 

the gun i had was one of those magic dream guns with endless rounds in the mag when you actually came to fire it. i was managing to fire accurately and kill people coming after me fairly quickly, but then this woman came along who just wouldn't fucking die. i must have put 300 rounds into this bitches head and she was still shooting at me. As she was filling me full of holes i woke up. Barely able to stand or keep my eyes open.

 

When ever I have dreams like this I can always actually feel stuff that’s happening.

 

My sub-conscious hates me, clearly.   :(

 

[EDIT]: Also throughout today I've felt very un-secure in the flat, like people could just *break in*. Which is stoopid. The only dream that affects me thru the day like this is dreaming about spiders.. which i think i also did last night.

I went for an interview here last week. about 20 mins ago i got a phone call saying i'd got the job. Apparently they liked me! Blimey!