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i'm done with being caught up in her shit tbh
i'm supposed to be on fucking holiday
it's not that i don't care about ********
i'm just finding it difficult to see the point
mum will do what mum wants to do
there's nothing i can do to change that - i've found that out in the past year or so
the only thing that's gonna happen by me getting caught up in this shit with social services is more hassle for me, stuff being dredged up more than it already does every fucking time she phones me
<something i edited out here>
<Something else i edited out here>
i don't think i'm the right person to be askin anyway, being biased against the system and all
so i've decided that actually no. i'm gonna sit this one out. I've let Mother drag up and stir around all the shit inside me on a regualr basis my whole adult life
The easy thing is to get sucked in, have a shouting match with her, feel better for 30 mins then spend another 3 months trying to swallow all the crap that got dragged up back down
by which time ther will be something else
and then something else
the only thing in my life that seriously makes me feel old is doing that same fucking dance with her over and over. so no. i've had enough
i stopped answering the phone to her a cpl of days ago
i don't know
fuck it
whatever
we need to get together,
and talk about this shit, cos i'm damn sure i'm not the only one it's affecting this way. i'm talking about the general long term stuff that's eating away at us
i think i'd like to hear that someone else understands and i'd like to be able to say that i understand.
one day she'll wake up and she'll realise. but it's already too fucking late
i hate her so much sometimes, it just bubbles up from nowhere
and to have to listen to her go on about how it's not her fault just makes me feel ill
 

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