Snoweh (goddesssnoweh) wrote,

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Also I got my Decree Absolute thru the post today, which basically means I'm officially divorced. This makes me happier in my relationship with EzE in that I feel I can actually give all of myself to him, without the barrier, or stigma, that is attached to me being married.

I thought it wouldn't make much of a difference, after so long, but it does actually make me feel closer to him, and I also now feel like I'm his, that he has me all to himself, which I didn't feel before.

When I opened the letter this morning and realised what it was I cried, not a lot, but I cried. At the time I wasn't sure why, but now, after having the day to think about it, I think I know. Seeing that, seeing it written that my marriage was dissolved produced a feeling of (I'm really struggling to find the right words here, bear with me) closure, but not in a good way. I always thought I'd be happy when I was divorced, but I cried, I cried for when me & Chris first met, all the good times, sharing the births of two lives together, and the death of two others. All we had was gone, it didn't matter anymore. All there is is this piece of paper. The Decree Absolute. That's all that counts for six or seven years of my life now.

So I cried. I cried in EzE's arms. I know it must have been difficult for him, but he held me close, didn't ask why I was crying, didn't assume to know, didn't say a word. He just held me while I was crying for my ex husband and all the years we were together. I can't put into words how good that hug was, nor can I express just how grateful I am to him for holding me like that.

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