Snoweh (goddesssnoweh) wrote,

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It seems to be that time again - time to give everyone a 'proper update'

I went to the doctors on Tuesday, which resulted in an increase in my Citalopram dosage to 30mg a day. it will take two weeks before i start to see any benefit from this. I asked about a psychiactric evaluation and she didn't seem to think there was any point in me having one, according to her i seem like a very 'up together' girl whose only 'difficulty' is a bad case of clinical depression. this from someone who has only seen me three or four times and is still being surprised about things that ARE ON my medical records. Funny, i thought GPs were supposed to read the history of their patients before prescribing treatments.... Hmz. All that said I can't really complain about the lovely Dr. Jahfar, she's among one of the nicest GPs i've had, certainly the one with the most workload, and even in spite of that she takes the time to sit and chat. Which is nice.

I also got some more Zopiclone, which is a good thing as it means i actually getmore than an hour's sleep a night {ouch..} as well as another wheelbarrow load of B vitamins..... {yeugh}

Got an email from my brother Richard today which prompted me to write a 'proper' email to him for a change. Poor kid, deserves someone a bit more attentive than me as a sister.. sometimes i swear i don't deserve such a loving brother. Sarah's good too, although i feel guilty about not being there for her as often as i should too. Bah. Must try harder.

I will be able to see Daniel and Andrew this weekend! Yay! I haven't seen them for a while as i have been crippled by this fucking infection. I look forward to seeing them, hopefully Richard will be coming down this weekend or next too - this is all very good and makes me a bit more of a Happy Snoweh Creature.

I seem to have got past one big stumbling block, which was letting myself feel guilty about not being able to hold down / find work, I've realised that there is a reason for this, and I also realised for a very long time I was ignoring the fact and ploughing myself a deeper hole by being upset at my faliure all the time. The fact that i've failed and still am failing at pretty much everything still isn't something i'm dealing with too well, but occationally I do find peace with it and manage to buy a little time for my head. This is very precious to me and I think does alot of good. Also I've realised, that now i know, and the people around me know i have a problem, around certain close friends I don't have to try so hard, and can be myself a little more. Although, to these people, who should know who they are, relaxing like this after SO long of trying too hard is still very difficult & i hope you will forgive my akwardness.

I didn't mean for this to turn into such a long deep one really, but then, i never do. I seem to have rambled, as per usual. Ho Hum.

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