October 13th, 2003



Sat here waiting,
Waiting on your whims.
Not knowing what the future holds,
Or even tomorrow brings.
Sadness and self-hatred,
Sit locked inside me.
Whilst I wait for you,
You hold the key.
Demon after demon,
Frolicks in my head.
And I carry on waiting,
Feeling drained and bled.
I'm still here waiting,
On your whim.
I have no clue,
How to begin...
...To bridge the rift,
That I have created.
By feeding a desire,
That shouldn't have been sated.
Self-esteem and self-worth,
Tumble and fall.
I'm not sure why,
I'm still alive at all.

I don't like the headspace I was in last night when I wrote that.
Stop this fucking rollercoaster.
I've had enough.
I want to get off.