March 20th, 2004


(no subject)

went to the doctors today and requested to be put back on the citalopram, as this is the antidepressant i was most happy with the results of. I'm on my second appointment with this Harry Normanchap, who is really quite a nice guy. very easy to talk to and friendly and all those nice things.

the problem with having been off the citalopram for so long is that i now have to start again at 20mg, wait two weeks then go up to 30 mg, wait two weeks then go up to 40mg. the amusing thing is, after sayingtome that i obviously know what i'm talking about, the doctor requested that i check back with them as i am ready to increase dosage just so they can keep tabs on my progress. She's given me a two month supply and wished me luck with it.

my life is currently, at best stressful. I seem to be doing nothing but upsetting people one way or another. I have a chance to leave the country, but after i got time to think aboutthis, i thought it was probably unwise to go to a strange country on nothing but a few promises without actually getting to know the guy first. i seem to have upset said guy too cos he is now uncontactable.

i'm not even going to start about paul. i'll save that one for a future rant.

i seem to have deeply upset pooka without even fucking realising it.



I was just having a conversation with someone on MSN and he was asking me about my relationship with Andy. This made me realise that I now have a very very special relationship with him.
He's the only person I can be totally open and honest with.
The only person I can talk to about anything.
The only person I can rely on to keep my head straight when everything around me is falling apart. And the only person on the planet I have NO SECRETS from.

For all the things in my life that are going wrong,
all the shit in my head,
for all that i am mentally fucked [probably beyond repair]
Not everyone has someone like that in thier life.

I just hope he realises how very very precious that is to me.

I only hope I'm half as good a friend to him.
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