July 28th, 2004


(no subject)

I've been pining today. all day. it's quite pathetic.

I miss my collar. I miss it like i would miss oxygen.

Moreso now i've been officially released. although i knew it was only a matter of a short time before it happened.

Things are on the horizon though. It doesn't look all black.

I've still got that last dose of Zopiclone and don't intend to take it tonight
  • Current Mood
    apathetic apathetic

(no subject)

Awwwwww lil tiny babies are so CUTE!!!!!

Racquel, Chris' sister in law has just had a little girl. I met her for the first time and she's ADOREABLE!!!!!


I think i'm making reasonable progress given the current circumstances. it's been four weeks since my last lot of coke, and five weeks since i last cut myself. [I gave up giving up alcohol as well after two weeks :p ]

I still have that zopiclone dose which is in half dose tablets, so i could if i gave it enough of a break just have one on one night and one on another.

My mood is rapidly lifting now, probably due to the sudden influx of offers of collars i've recieved.. I'm actually starting to feel sexually attractive and it's doing wonders for my confidence :)

That's not to say i feel any less naked without a collar on, but i feel things are progressing towards that being recified fairly soon. I think i need someone a bit firmer than Paul was - a bit more consistant, although i don't think that's going to be very hard to find really. Paul and i still see eachother, I cooked for us monday night and sat him down to watch Secretary. I realise this wasn't an entirely fair ting of me to do, but so far everything had been my fault and he could do no wrong. He told me why he'd been avoiding me, he says he realises how much pain he's caused me, especially after having had to watch a fairly glaringly similar situation in the film.
He made a point of saying that i'm not allowed to keep a collar on, even my own, because he fears that with one there i won't look as quickly as maybe i should, which would result in more sadness. He also hopes i find what i'm looking for soon because he wants to see me happy - which i thought was really nice of him.

He said he didn't deserve the gift of my submission, and the past few months have actually left me inclined to agree with him.

Well. one chapter closes, another one begins... i wonder what this one has in store....
  • Current Music
    Marilyn Manson - The Golden Age Of Grotesque