i've always hidden what i reallly am. i've thought that if i told anyone everything the truth would be out, everyone would see what a fake i am, how much i've lied and cheated at life. How much i don't deserve anything i've ended up with.

I have kids now - how can i carry on the lie? as far as i am concerened i am NOT in control of my addictions because i let them rule my life EVERY DAY.

i don't know what's right.

I just know what i don't want them to have to deal with.

But aren't you better prepared for life if you know what to expect?

I never knew what to expect, so everything that hit me hit me like a steam train.

There is NO REASON i should trust ANYONE - Does that mean i should teach my kids the same?

I don't know what to do. I don't trust. Anyone. Even myself.

I'm so afraid i'll hurt them. I'm so afraid i HAVE hurt them.

I'm so afraid