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www.whenuwantit.co.uk fucking rocks.

That is all
O-M-G I NEED to go clubbing sometime VERY VERY fucking soon.
Stuff...   I Mean, What to say.. well, What to say FIRST..

I did a friday close at work last week and it was alright, I did a saturday close this week, which i am writing this off of the back of, and that was alright too.
I've decided i like it more when it's mad busy, so thurs/fri/sat nights. There are more 'fun' moments and you get more of a sense of 'this is the job you are being PAID to do' on a friday and saturday night it IS hard, it IS stressful. But it's also a pub, people are in good spirits and generally have a sense of humor about things. If on a friday night, for example, you have a glass shortage and so all the glasses are hot straight out of the glass wash people are going to respond to a joke about ''don't worry i'm not having a quick fiddle, i'm cooling your glass down.. cos i assume you don't want a hot glass!'' 

Clearing up after a friday or saturday night can be hard. There's usually broken glass somewhere, there are people who won't get the message that it's closing time and they need to go home now. Also, of course, all the glasses have to be washed, all the bar stuff, the mats and the ashtrays - ew.

I wasn't in the best of moods going into work this evening as the Fairford air show, which i'd bent over backwards to make sure i had the time off for and could go to, was cancelled due to the grounds being too wet. I don't really show things much and this is no exception, but i am really pissed off with this outcome cos i was REALLY looking forward to it.  Ho hum, Oh well.

Of course i have a job now, which means money that is mine because i earned it. being a minimum wage job i don't earn much, but i earn enough to take my friends out for a drink, contribute to shopping and spend 'MY OWN' money on the kids.

Also it means I can buy stuff for me, like i said not much, as it's a minimum wage job, but things like CDs, the odd bit of clothing, or even just magazines and other assorted crap.

I've still got THE HORN for something female, it's getting bad enough to do something about soon. It's made worse by the fact that i find our pub manager astonishingly attractive, I just want to Do Things..

Everyone seems to like me at work, which is good, my till so far has always been up or spot on, which is also good.

I think i'm a bit of a slow worker when it comes to cleaning down, i'm sure that as i pick things up i'll get faster, but i'm paranoid that i'm slow anyway.

i've got back into the rhythm of serving people in this capacity quite quickly, and it's something i actually enjoy doing. I'm enjoying getting to know a different mix of people than those i would normally meet and it's giving me that 'something' back that recently i feel has been lacking.

I'm developing a new appreciation for adrenalin, as it's what's pumping through your veins on a friday and saturday night as the bar is rammed with people all claiming that they were next. Also you need to be on the lookout... Are they old enough? Are they too drunk to be served? are they going to try and fuck you about?

People can be So fucking rude.

& People can be Such fucking pigs

-But i love it, i love this level of interaction with this varied a range of people. I can feel that this job is doing me alot of good. I can feel that it's getting rid of all the layers of 'soft' that have accumilated over recent years.


I like this.

I like the fact that i feel more REAL now.

I'm back in touch with the street.

My feet are back on the ground.

That feeds me in a way that nothing else can.
Oh, and in addendum to that last post, Yes, Yes i am insane.
The Nation of Snowehs Evil Lair is commanded by Ruler Sam Tremaine. The electoral process relies mainly upon a single party system where any adversaries are dragged to the streets and shot. The people of Snowehs Evil Lair are so technologically advanced that each citizen does not physically go to work, but simply thinks of his/her office space and it materializes in whatever physical space they currently occupy. Advancement in medical practices has produced efficient health care practices, but only the privileged can afford the rising costs.

Most citizens follow a generic code of conduct which produces a somewhat safe environment, but personal safety is largely product of personal ability. This nation has a growing military force, though the majority of its ranks are devoted to a marching band which plays at civic and government functions. Religious tolerance is available to all those who can afford to buy it. All children in Snowehs Evil Lair ages five to thirteen are eligible for free placement testing to determine their proper schooling placement.

This country is beginning to adopt many environmentally responsible practices, although any company with enough money can buy the right to disregard any practice they deem appropriate. New businesses opening in this country are assigned a government manager to oversee the productivity of the employees, and citizens are free to demonstrate for increase of social freedoms, but government officials are instructed to only pay lip service, and no actual changes will be made.
I'm awake still and running out of beer [add to to do; get 'nother beer]

First closing shift was cool, not as much work as i expected.
physically tired but mentally buzzing. Still.
Feet hurt. Still.

Ran out of beer. [append to do; get 'nother beer - URGENT]

Listening to Stonking Psytrance.

saw first fight!! there was no blood or police tho :(  I did hear tell of an axe!! but i was too busy being a goody two shoes and actually serving ppl and so missed it. :(

Still no beer.

Saw Wanted. Got THE HORN for Angelina Jolie.

Saw Hancock. Don't got the horn for Will Smith.

Wondering why the word Jolie isn't in my 'as i type' dictionary yet

Day off today, only pissy little 4 hr shift lunchtime sunday.

I am awesome.

The End.
First day at new job.

was good :)

The End.
Also, yesterday morning one of my teeth broke. one right at the back on the top left :(

that feels weird.

i have a picture!! :D  (Of Course)


i just woke up from a  horrible really really fucking exhausting dream

i was living in a cross between the smallholding i lived on in foster care in Pucklechurch and my dad's old house on Southmead road

group after group of people kept coming to break into the house when i was there and kick the shit out of me

about four different groups of people came, one a little while after the other. There would always be a big fight, involving whatever came to hand, I was being chased round with an axe at one point. I found one too and I remember having to cut the guy up into pieces before he’d stop chasing me, this theme was the same for all the groups of people that came, no matter what I did to them they wouldn’t stop chasing me (I remember killing the guy with the axe, that was the fourth group that came, but I don’t remember how the fight ended with the other three groups)

after each one left i'd fix how they broke in and lock everything really securely, then the next lot would come and i'd be trapped by all the locks

each group would really work me over. & each time i'd dial 999 and get thru and talk to someone but the police never came

the last group that came, the fifth group came to kill me


i managed to get a gun off of one of them in the fight but it wouldn't fire cos all the bullets were loaded into the mag the wrong way round


[EDIT]: I remember in great detail (even now at 7pm) frantically having to unload the bullets and reload them in the right way round before the gun would work. It was a real world gun as well, most similar to a Glock. I remember the flash of silver from inside the chamber as i cocked it after reloading the mag. it made all the right noises and had all the right mechanisms.

i managed to get out of the house this time and into a taxi, only they followed me into the taxi. and there was no driver, i had to drive it myself


i found a village and ran for help but it turned out all the people there wanted to kill me too. There was a huge chase. I had about 15 people all shooting at me and a couple of guys chasing me in a helicopter which I had to swim underwater to get away from (there weren’t any guns on the helicopter, it was a regular one, not a military one)


the gun i had was one of those magic dream guns with endless rounds in the mag when you actually came to fire it. i was managing to fire accurately and kill people coming after me fairly quickly, but then this woman came along who just wouldn't fucking die. i must have put 300 rounds into this bitches head and she was still shooting at me. As she was filling me full of holes i woke up. Barely able to stand or keep my eyes open.


When ever I have dreams like this I can always actually feel stuff that’s happening.


My sub-conscious hates me, clearly.   :(


[EDIT]: Also throughout today I've felt very un-secure in the flat, like people could just *break in*. Which is stoopid. The only dream that affects me thru the day like this is dreaming about spiders.. which i think i also did last night.

And in other news...

I went for an interview here last week. about 20 mins ago i got a phone call saying i'd got the job. Apparently they liked me! Blimey!
OMFG someone's actually stoopid enuff to give me a job!


Jun. 8th, 2008

I appear to have left my immune system somewhere. If anyone finds it could they kindly return it as i appear to be in danger of being actually ill with something actually wrong.

This is a very strange and alien feeling as my immune system could usually give Chuck Norris a run for his money.

Mar. 12th, 2008

So I've just had my Implanon changed. WooHoo - rollercoaster ride of mood swings, nausea & stomach cramps here i come

This will be the third i've had done, the procedure took alot more out of me than i remember it doing, Then again the old one had worked it's way in quite deep so she had to do alot of rootling about to find & remove it.

My arm feels very sore, the local wore off a while ago and i can feel the bruising coming up already :(
The picture is safe and (I think) quite pretty in an unusual way, however, The website is the Body Modification Ezine, and very very not safe for work, or kids, or anyone squeemish

A sleeping cat
the hole in his ear was made by another cat in a fight, I didn't realize it was there until a couple days ago. It was the perfect size for a CBR.

Gratuitious Icon Post

Look ! My Icon!  let me show you it :)

When will i learn..?

I've found a new cool thing to do with my hair which (should) take roughly 2½ mins and looks very cool. A 2 min updo for when you can't be bothered but want to look nice. Here's how it goes (needs long hair)

Gather up the hair as if you were going to do a small half ponytail, twist it round into a little bun and secure it with an octopus clip, you can get these large ones in tescos or mini ones in Claire's Accessories.

Take the rest of the hair and pull it all over one shoulder to the front, seperate it out into three and plait it. This should sit over your shoulder and depending on how long your hair is may start to make you feel like Lara Croft.

This takes me 2 mins max, UNLESS i make the mistake of looking in a mirror. Then it takes me closer to 20 mins, 30 mins.

I should really learn, it feels good, the bit i can see looks good, it's fine! No need for mirrors!


Oh, also...

,,, >^..^< ,,,

People, people... Plasma balls are NOT COOL.

So why, oh why would you ask us at COOL GLOWY THINGS if we have any?

The answer (From me at any rate) is simply, 'Plasma balls are not cool. Sorry'


There's a fooking great orchestra in the middle of the galleries making it impossible do hear anything or talk to anyone ..

AND! i just saw batman AND HE HAD A SKATEBOARD! I always knew Batman was a skaterboi hehe
i've always hidden what i reallly am. i've thought that if i told anyone everything the truth would be out, everyone would see what a fake i am, how much i've lied and cheated at life. How much i don't deserve anything i've ended up with.

I have kids now - how can i carry on the lie? as far as i am concerened i am NOT in control of my addictions because i let them rule my life EVERY DAY.

i don't know what's right.

I just know what i don't want them to have to deal with.

But aren't you better prepared for life if you know what to expect?

I never knew what to expect, so everything that hit me hit me like a steam train.

There is NO REASON i should trust ANYONE - Does that mean i should teach my kids the same?

I don't know what to do. I don't trust. Anyone. Even myself.

I'm so afraid i'll hurt them. I'm so afraid i HAVE hurt them.

I'm so afraid

When i feel low, i stumble.

I find things that inevitably make my darker side giggle
OK it's time for me to admit something.

I stopped taking my Citalopram. It's been a week. Today i took my regular dose.

I just couldn't carry on. I was a failure in everything.

i feel so depressed. Everything seems so hopeless.

But of course, as is the nature of depression, my problems are stoopid. they don't matter.

'soon everyone's gonna find out i'm faking it and i don't really need to be on Citalopram at all'

i have these daemons in my head that tell me that every fucking day.

So i challenged them.

I stopped. Just like that.

And now, unsurprisingly, i'm unravelling.   The string that holds me together is disintrigating.
but what did i fucking expect?

The stress of the business is getting to me. or rather, the stress of everyone elses stress abut the business is getting to me.

very often i realise how much i'm doing for Cool Glowy Things and it makes me freeze like a deer in headlights

i can't do the accounts
i can't manage what we sell everyday
i have no instilled sense of responsibility for anything, how can o Co-run a business?

How can i be a salesperson?

how can i sell people a vision if i don't believe in myself?
i love the stock, but surely people will see i'm a fraud.. am i a fraud?

I'm so fucking scared.

also, attacking this from another angle there is hatred

hatred of myself, i feel i've gone soft, i'm old and over emotional.

everyone around me is getting old which means i am too.

i hate it

how can i step out there and talk to strangers when all i want to do is curl up in a corner and cry?


Is all the above really me?

is all that because i'm lacking in the cushion of the antidepressents?

am i going to be on them forever? i think i am, which means that is what is going to define me now.

it seems like the coward way out.

but i've been through so fucking much, i just want to be able to curl up and die.

I always land on my feet, is this a good thing?

I'm still addicted to cocaine - i've been clean of it for well over three years, but i'll never stop being an addict.

every fucking day i think about it.  I itch.

i don't want to be on antidepressants all my life but i know i was depressed for so long without getting help it's inevetable now.

I really, really hate myself.

I really hate being here. Please help me be strong enough to take the medication.

I fear....

Thoughts.. like, a month old...

Well here I am again, Stood in the middle of a freezing cold Galleries shopping centre being ignored by 90% of the people who walk past. The people watching is good, you see all sorts wandering past, the different forms of benefit are easy to spot.  The elderly are my favorite kind of traffic because they all have an entire  lifetime’s worth of story to tell. When you look closely you realise that they all have *some* life left in them, that essential spark that makes a person unique has faded but not gone. The glint in the eye of the girls who were stunners in their time, the slightly cheeky grin. The confident, knowing stride of someone who’s seen everything life has and is still here to tell the tale if you’d take the time to listen.

Having a stall like the dead sea wellbeing people next to us is also fascinating. They use a far more practiced and aggressive sales technique, using the Englishman’s politeness against him. Opening with a question designed to make people stop.

The name ‘Cool Glowy Things’ seems to have been a stroke of genius. So many times people have been stopped by the name alone, and on countless occations I’ve heard people sa as they are walking past what a wicked name it is.

It sticks in people’s minds very easily and stays there.

We need to get a proper sign done so that people see the name more clearly, at the moment it’s obscured in a web address and the only other place is on tiny price cards.

People REALLY like the idea that if they see something on the site they can drop us an email, or ask about it ont eh stall and we’ll bring one in for them. I think it makes people feel that we are not just another faceless corperation type franchise, that they matter and they can make something happen. People like to play with things before they commit themselves so it’s a natural extention to the website / shop crossover.

People love the jellyfish, but only to look at, it actually sells very slowly. Maybe there is something like it at a different price point. I know there is a slightly more expensive jellyfish, maybe there’s something a bit cheaper too.
So today has been ok, Sun is out so everyone's happy... also the sun is out so we have zero ability to demo anything.. Ho hum.

Came in this morning and Nic Cage has got bigger ears and is decidedly more furry than he was on sunday.

Just having a coffee which is warming me up and perking me up no end.. i was bored enough to 'hard sell' a couple of our business cards onto ppl earlier, i feel kind of, unclean now though, so i don't think i'm gonna do that again.

we have internets - hence the icon.. we've spent the day feeding ourselves off of the information stream. Anyone would think we were addicted to it or something :p

Unfortunately i can't upload pics from my phone so images will have to be uploaded later...  in the meantime tho i can upload something i wrote a week or two back...     Watch this space :D


QUESTION: If, when you drop a buttered piece of bread, it drops butter side down, and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat (butter side up) and dropped it from a great height?

ANSWER: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back.

If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can be), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.

Something very cool happened today...

Sarah came to see us!!!  Unfortunately when i saw her i *almost* burst into tears.. But only a minor leakage happened and i am kidding myself that no one noticed :p

It just made me Sooooo happy to see her :D

I'm still smilin n grinnin like a loon (Sentimental in my old age, see??)
I have to say the skin on my face feels really soft :D

The skin on my arms is alot less angry. It's still as spotty - i wasn't expecting a miracle cure, Yinon (Ye-non) said it would probably be about a month before the quality of the skin started to change properly.  It's nice to have soft arms and face :)
I've managed to avoid them for 30 years (being a girl that's a LOONG time)

But now, i have broken my cherry.

I'm sat here, feeling somewhat chilly with a slowly solidifying mud mask on my face (and arms cos the man said it would help clear up the pimpley spots)

it feels REALLY weird

it's set so hard i can't twitch my nose anymore... think it might be time to clean it off..
I've spent all day in the galleries wanting to go home....

Now i'm bored.. Ho hum.


I'd like to introduce you to my last wisdom tooth..

I had it removed at the dental hospital this morning. I am currently in between painkiller doses.

I am quite short tempered at the minute.

Everything will, however, be fine and dandy in about 20 mins.

Well that's all right then.

Grrrr, Snarl...

Posted from new flat

New flat squintynetz werks.

That iz all.



Something a lot of people who are owned by cats will know already..

Exciting New Products listed on the Cool Glowy Things website!!

I am the researcher and developer as well as the main buyer for http://www.coolglowythings.com
My job is to scour the globe for the coolest glowy stuff around to bring to you!

With that in mind, I bring you this Shameless Plug™ :)

NEW!! Shimmer Tealight Holders, LED Glowstick Poi, Firefly LED Table Light and the i-Look Speakers are here, live and available!!


Nostalgia, anyone?

I've decided what my outfit for new year is going to be...